Making It Work

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, approximately 73% of mothers in the United States work (in addition to the work of raising children, which we’d all agree is undervalued and underpaid!). Moreover, the number of working mothers in the U.S. has been rising steadily since the early 1980s. Given these statistics, it always surprises me how often working mothers are either glorified as superwomen or pitied as “having” to work.

I never gave a second thought to being both a mother and a career woman. In junior high I realized that my education was a means of controlling my own destiny, whether I excelled at spelling or struggled to get a B in math. My education was mine; I achieved on my own merits and it could never be taken away from me. School led to college and college to career. Like many young women coming into their own in the 1980s, my focus was on a career, rather than getting married and having children. When my Mr. Right came along, it never occurred to me that I would have to abandon my career in order to raise children. Like my education earlier, my career had become a source of personal pride, identity, and self-esteem. Ann Crittenden wrote a fantastic book, “If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything” (2004) that compellingly describes how the skills and talents of motherhood can be aptly applied in the working world. For me, it works both ways: in my career I have developed the self esteem and organizational skills to be a good mother and as a mother I have learned patience and compassion that serves me well in the working world. I could not – would not – have one without the other.

I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked, “how do you do it?” (Again, not so extraordinary given that a large majority of American women are doing “it.”) I’m not saying that being a working mother is easy or without challenges and heartbreak, like the first time your child asks,” Mommy, why weren’t you at the (enter name of school event here) today?” but it is infinitely worthwhile.

Below are the four essentials of making it work:

Commit to the life you lead. There is no room for wavering (read: guilt) here. Whether you have to work for financial reasons or choose to work for other reasons, you must have the commitment to do both and the belief that you can do both, otherwise, your career and/or your family will suffer.

Gather support. You can’t do it alone. Whether it’s a spouse, friend, parent or trusted neighbor, you will need support. Support can come in the form of carpools, bake sales, time out (for you and your children), or simply a sounding board to get you through the more challenging times.

Find a role model – real or imagined. Many women are lucky to have mothers, aunts or sisters who serve as good role models for combining parenting and a career and finding balance. In the absence of any one or two people to call a role model, other women find that they can piece together the qualities of their role model from a variety of sources, including people, literature, or by simply observing teachers, colleagues, and friends.

Get Organized – of course, this is not a prerequisite for motherhood or career; after all, some of us have the ‘organization’ gene, while others do not, but it certainly helps with the juggling act. Being organized has been the most important factor that has allowed me to embrace the many roles of mother, wife, friend, student, colleague, team Mom, sometimes all of these at the same time. Get your Blackberry/ Filofax/pantry cupboard/laundry room/trunk of the car in order and everything else will go that much more smoothly.

These four essentials are the foundation for making it work, the balancing act of combining career and motherhood. While other things are important – like caffeine and sleep – these four ingredients make it possible to embrace the full life we were meant to live.